Swap 'Til You Drop
by knives4cash
Summary: Blake and Ren swap romantically involved partners with the intentions of proving to the other that they have a more exhausting relationship. Ren deals with Yang. Hilarity ensues.


Part thirty-five of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

* * *

It had all been such an innocent encounter at first. Blake came across me in the dust labs, hand loading Nora's explosive grenades in addition to my own, lighter caliber rounds. She had sat down next to me and began to hand load her own required stash as well as Yang's rather dubious, yet equally essential abundant supply of shotgun shells. Thus, like any two logical, intelligent, and far from ugly looking people, we began to converse, and the topic of conversation soon drifted to our girlfriends. When we finished complaining about their childish begging for us to do their hand loading for them, we began to pay them proper respect and compliments concerning their personalities and what made them so wonderful.

Blake then observed that Yang was a more troublesome girlfriend than my Queen of The Castle.

Obviously, I had to defend my Queen's honor and correct the faunus, and quickly stated that it was Nora who was far more troublesome than the blonde.

The debate escalated quickly, and after a few phone calls we initiated a Partner Swap. Yang was surprisingly in favor for it. Nora made it a point to be even more into it. That's my girl.

Smirking, I adjust my shirt collar while inspecting the rest of myself in front of the mirror that Team JNPR has set up in our room. "I'll be back at ten." I inform Jaune and Pyrrha, who are currently enjoying a peaceful session of reading in bed. Looking at them through the mirror, they look like they're ready for old age.

Jaune looks up from his "A Single Fragment" comic. Frowning, he asks, "You do remember that this is the same Yang that blew up the cafeteria with ALL of us inside, right?"

Pyrrha looks up from her Rattlesword novelized play. With a gleam in her eyes, she sighs with a laugh. "That felt like a pin prick compared to that time she summoned that giant sea creature."

Jaune closes his comic and sets it on the sheets that cozily cover them. Placing his hands over his eyes, he groans, "And there was the time she wanted a threesome with Nora and Blake." Shaking his head, he recalls, "And we were having breakfast too!"

Smiling, Pyrrha places a hand over his and scoots closer. "You can't blame her for being eager, Jaune. They're pretty fun."

NOPE. "I'm going now." I declare as I head for the door. "And when I come back, I don't want to have to wash my bed sheets." Honestly, there are some people who have no respect for other people's property.

"Don't you mean 'Nora's bed that I get to sleep in'?" Pyrrha calls to me as I open the door. I'm immediately greeted by Yang. She's wearing a grin on her face that Blake referred to as "absolutely evil".

"Sup, lover boy?" She asks as she cocks her head, scanning me from head to toe.

Blake did tell me that she was a very... physically needy person whose appetite is not so easily quelled. "...I am in good health, if that is what you are asking." I inform her as I slowly step outside of my safe haven, shutting the door behind me.

You've crossed the Rubicon, Lie Ren. Going back is no longer an option.

"Bah!" Yang waves a dismissive hand towards me. "Don't be so formal! Relax!" She exclaims as she roughly throws her right arm around my shoulders, pulling me right into her. "C'mon, let's go! I've got my bike out front, and I've got tickets to the Revived Rodent concert." She informs me as she starts walking rather quickly down the hall.

As she pulls me down the staircase, I manage to explain to her, "I actually took the liberty of reserving two seats for us at the Mother Joan's restaurant." I never thought that I would be slapped repeatedly in the face by a breast, but bouncing down the stairs with my head in Yang's shoulder is an experience that I simply did not factor in.

"Aw, really?" She asks, stopping at the entrance of the dormitory and looking me in the eyes with her ever present smile. "That's cool and all, but we can't go there." She deadpans as she pulls me outside.

Grunting at the tighter grip she's putting on my shoulders, I ask as we move to her motorcycle. "Dare I ask why?" She's probably really picky about her food.

"Oh, it was totally unfair." Yang scoffs as she FINALLY lets go of me and begins to tinker with her bike. "They kept telling me I couldn't have a Big Mac Chicken Legend Sunday, even though it was literally the FIRST THING on their menu!" She explains to me as she tosses me a black helmet.

Hmm. Blake also told me about this. "You read the menu horizontally?" I offer in the defense of what I consider to be a wonderful restaurant as I put on my helmet.

Moving around her bike and coming up to me, she laughs, "Blake told you that part, huh?" Putting her own yellow helmet on, she orders, "Hold still."

I would have probably asked what her motives were, but I now find that she has cupped my cheeks and has her tongue down my throat. I didn't think my eyes could get this big, but she seems to be enjoying the assault.

Pulling out, she lets go of my face. "Meh." She grunts indifferently as I stagger back. "Six outta ten."

Oh, I do believe that I am offended. And violated. "What was that?" I demand.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see how good of a kisser you are." She explains as if it were a common practice. "Your mouth is wet enough, and your teeth aren't sharp enough to cut my tongue, but-" She pauses, looking for the right words. "You just don't have that assertion, you know?" She asks but quickly continues. "See, Blake's mouth is wet too, but her teeth have cut my tongue a few times when she's been assertive enough."

A few moments of silence pass. I'm not even offended anymore. This is Yang I'm dealing with. If anything, I should be grateful that she hasn't blown up the continent. "I'm sure that's a wonderful experience. Let's never talk about it again." I request as I move to the bike.

"Hah! Sure thing, lover boy!" She quips, "Although I'm sure you wouldn't mind a taste for yourself."

Sighing, I begrudgingly wrap my arms around her torso as she starts the bike up. She and Nora are so similar, and yet they're worlds apart.

Actually, that distance is rapidly closing. Blake has come around the corner at full sprint, and Nora is chasing after her. "Come back!" Nora shouts to her as she tries to keep up. "We didn't even get to order finish ordering!" She pleads. Huh, looks like Blake's running even faster now.

"YANG!" She shrieks as she comes up to u-AGABLARGAFLURG!

I'm on the pavement now. Did she just dropkick me off of the bike? The pain in my stomach would probably confirm that.

"DRIVE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT, DRIVE!" She desperately pleads as she grips Yang in a deadlock.

"ACK! Okay! Okay!" Yang manages to gag as she pops a wheelie and flies off down the road.

Nora runs up to me. I don't know how long she's been running, but she hasn't even broken a sweat. "Aaaaw!" She pouts as she extends a hand towards me.

Gratefully accepting it, I pull myself to my feet and remove the helmet. "What did you do?" I can't wait to hear what spectacular idea she came up with.

"Oh, you know me, Ren." She smiles and dusts me off. "I just figured that since you and Blake are so similar, I'd just copy paste my date strategies."

Smirking, I raise an eyebrow at her. "You talked her ear off?"

Beaming with pride, she places her hands on her hips. "All four of them!"

Dropping the helmet on the pavement, I smirk. "That's my Queen." I murmur as I pull her into a well-earned kiss.

* * *

A/N: So, that was a thing. Tomorrow will be the second place winner. The day after will be the third place winner. And then I have to start planning for the Christmas special. And some time in between, I want to do a KIGO story involving Future Shego admitting to KP that she could never beat her, so she went back in time with the Time Monkey and had little Kim join her. It's "Kim Possible", for those who didn't have a childhood. art/Lair-414262516

Also, I think I'll have to do a second part foretelling how Nora talked Blake into insanity.

Ugh, busy little bumblebee.

ALSO: "A Single Fragment" is a play on "One Piece", and "Rattlesword" is a play on Shakespeare. Shake-spear? Rattle-sword? Who is here so dull that would not find that amusing? If any, speak. For them have I offended.


End file.
